Yesterday was a memorable day!!!!!!!!! It was my annual cancer check-up. I have been so stressed out over the last several weeks waiting for this day and the dreaded results of my cat scan. It started out last week when I had to get my cat scan and the nurses could not find a vein for my IV. They stuck me up and down my arms 13 times before they got a winner. Now I look like a drug addict because my arms are black and blue. Finally, we had success and the cat scan was accomplished and we were done that day.
Yesterday, Dr. Olsen decided "NO MORE CAT SCANS". He said the words "YOU ARE CURED". This was after I had told him that over the previous two weeks, I had been paralyzed with fear that the cancer would come back. He said it was very close to "0" chance the lymphoma would ever come back. He also said the possibility of other cancers was slim. I finally feel some peace about my long-term prognosis and feel such relief that I am CURED. Our life is so incredibly wonderful and I want to be around a very long time to take care of my children and love my husband. I want to live to be 100 years old and cherish every single second of every single day. Thank you, thank you, thank you for great health....
Friday, February 22, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Friday, 2/15/08 another memorable day filled with relief and thankfulness for another day.
Paul had a big pediatrics test and started the day out feeling unprepared for the test and therefore was very concerned about what type of grade he would get on the exam. I started the day out knowing that I would get the results of my annual cat scan taken on Wednesday and although I figured the chances were high, there would be no sign of lymphoma, you never know. In this particular situation it is very difficult for me to not think the worst and stop my mind from wondering "WHAT IF".
Finally it was 11:30am and I could not stand it anymore. I called Cancer Care and Tammy's interium replacement answered the phone. She looked to see if my report was back and sure enough it was. She preceded to read it over the phone while I was feeling like I was going to have a major panic attack. She said "Chest, no sign of Lymphoma", "Abdomen, no sign of Lymphoma, and "pelvis, no sign of Lymphoma" - you are all clear girl. I took a big deep breath and said thank you and hung up the phone. Do you think I was satisfied? Nooooooooooooo, I called Nadra and asked her to check the report just to make sure Sherry did not miss anything. Nadra read it and said it was ok, all clear. I felt like I was all dressed up for a party and had no party to go to. I wanted to grab my coat, run out of the office and go celebrate but did not have anyone to celebrate with. By this time it was around 11:30 and I knew Paul would have to be calling me very soon to let me know how he did on his exam. Sure enough about 5 minutes later, my cell phone rang. Paul tried to joke around by disquising his voice that he was sad so of course I said, "Oh No, you don't sound happy". Paul said, just kidding I got an 88 - I yelped and ran into the conference room to talk to him. I was so so so happy for him and proud because he had worked so hard over the last week trying to prepare. Also, it had been a really hard week on me because I was so stressed out due to my check up.
I then said well I have good news and told him about my results. I could tell he got a tear in his eye and was so so so happy to hear it.
Last night was really sweet. We both were so relaxed that Paul did so well on his exam and I was free and clear from cancer. Having gone through a serious illness, you realize how very sweet life is and how quickly it can be shaken up. We want to continue on this sweet crazy adventure of ours and to know we have many more days ahead of us is exhilerating and so incredibly wonderful. Here's to some breathing room for a while at least from the health front.
Paul had a big pediatrics test and started the day out feeling unprepared for the test and therefore was very concerned about what type of grade he would get on the exam. I started the day out knowing that I would get the results of my annual cat scan taken on Wednesday and although I figured the chances were high, there would be no sign of lymphoma, you never know. In this particular situation it is very difficult for me to not think the worst and stop my mind from wondering "WHAT IF".
Finally it was 11:30am and I could not stand it anymore. I called Cancer Care and Tammy's interium replacement answered the phone. She looked to see if my report was back and sure enough it was. She preceded to read it over the phone while I was feeling like I was going to have a major panic attack. She said "Chest, no sign of Lymphoma", "Abdomen, no sign of Lymphoma, and "pelvis, no sign of Lymphoma" - you are all clear girl. I took a big deep breath and said thank you and hung up the phone. Do you think I was satisfied? Nooooooooooooo, I called Nadra and asked her to check the report just to make sure Sherry did not miss anything. Nadra read it and said it was ok, all clear. I felt like I was all dressed up for a party and had no party to go to. I wanted to grab my coat, run out of the office and go celebrate but did not have anyone to celebrate with. By this time it was around 11:30 and I knew Paul would have to be calling me very soon to let me know how he did on his exam. Sure enough about 5 minutes later, my cell phone rang. Paul tried to joke around by disquising his voice that he was sad so of course I said, "Oh No, you don't sound happy". Paul said, just kidding I got an 88 - I yelped and ran into the conference room to talk to him. I was so so so happy for him and proud because he had worked so hard over the last week trying to prepare. Also, it had been a really hard week on me because I was so stressed out due to my check up.
I then said well I have good news and told him about my results. I could tell he got a tear in his eye and was so so so happy to hear it.
Last night was really sweet. We both were so relaxed that Paul did so well on his exam and I was free and clear from cancer. Having gone through a serious illness, you realize how very sweet life is and how quickly it can be shaken up. We want to continue on this sweet crazy adventure of ours and to know we have many more days ahead of us is exhilerating and so incredibly wonderful. Here's to some breathing room for a while at least from the health front.
My Sweet Valentines..............
Well, what a memorable Valentine's Day the Gilmartin family had this year. What started out as a joke will now most likely become a family tradition. Because Valentine's Day fell on a Thursday this year and that is two days before my WW weigh in and one day before Paul's pediatrics exam, we needed a quick and healthy plan. BAM............. A night in Paris at Chick Fil La, yes, I said Chick Fil La. We made reservations for table side service at 6:30pm. When we arrived, they took our photo, sat us at our reserved table and gave us cute little valentine menus. On our table were votive candles, chocolate kisses and a bag of chocolates for Molly.
Molly had chicken nuggets, Paul had a grilled chicken sandwich and I had chicken strips. We were serenaded by a string quartet and the servers were so sweet and helpful. We left Chick Fil la and went home to open our valentine cards and gifts. Molly loved her valentine cards the best. When she opened them, she looked at Paul and I and said "Thank you guys for my sweet cards". I thought, this child is such an old soul and so adorable. We spent the rest of the evening together just talking about how happy we are.
What a wonderful fun memory of Valentine's Day - sharing it with my two favorite valentines who fill me up with so much love.... Love you Daddy and Molly.
Molly had chicken nuggets, Paul had a grilled chicken sandwich and I had chicken strips. We were serenaded by a string quartet and the servers were so sweet and helpful. We left Chick Fil la and went home to open our valentine cards and gifts. Molly loved her valentine cards the best. When she opened them, she looked at Paul and I and said "Thank you guys for my sweet cards". I thought, this child is such an old soul and so adorable. We spent the rest of the evening together just talking about how happy we are.
What a wonderful fun memory of Valentine's Day - sharing it with my two favorite valentines who fill me up with so much love.... Love you Daddy and Molly.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Questions, Questions & More Questions
Well, it happened!!!!!!!!!!! Last night Molly wanted to discuss her first year of life so we did with a big knot in my throat. She proceeded to explain that she knew she was born out of another woman's tummy. She wanted to know if that woman breast fed her. We explained that we did not know. I told her that the woman who gave birth to her could not take care of her and was very poor. She was visibly upset by this and was thinking very hard about what to say. She wanted to know if they did not have enough food to take care of her, I explained that was correct and therefore they took her to the police station so they could make sure she was taken care of. At first, she was a little upset that she had to go to the police station and wanted to make sure they did not put her in jail. We all laughed and explained that babies do not go to jail, only people who have done bad things. She proceeded to tell the rest of the story that the police station took her to the orphanage and then she went to her foster family/foster mother. She needed understand what foster mother really mean't. She said "Mama, my foster mother is not my real mother, is she?". I said no, she had a very important job to take care of you until your real mommy and daddy came to get you and she did a very good job. She clearly understood that and said that Paul and I were her real mom and dad.
Molly is so incredibly smart for 5 years old. At times, she seems like she is a little old lady, the way she processes information in her mind. She did not seem bothered by any of this except when we talked about her foster mother being poor and she said she did not want to be poor, etc. This entire conversation although very important, was extremely emotional for me. I never want her to feel as though she was not wanted so we talked about how hard it would be to have to give a baby away. She said the woman who gave birth to her was probably very sad when she had to give her away. I explained that the woman who gave birth to her loved her a lot because she wanted the best for her - she understood and was happy to hear this information.
The conversation ended as quickly as it started and she was back to her smiling happy self and not to bothered by the whole thing. I have a feeling this will not be the first conversation we have like this and to be honest, it breaks my heart. I wish I had given birth to Molly and I wish I had breast fed her but that is not what happened. It is a good thing that she is completely enamoured with the idea that Paul and I are her real Mommy and Daddy and I think she knows and is content with the idea and feels extremely secure in knowing that we are here to stay.
Molly is so incredibly smart for 5 years old. At times, she seems like she is a little old lady, the way she processes information in her mind. She did not seem bothered by any of this except when we talked about her foster mother being poor and she said she did not want to be poor, etc. This entire conversation although very important, was extremely emotional for me. I never want her to feel as though she was not wanted so we talked about how hard it would be to have to give a baby away. She said the woman who gave birth to her was probably very sad when she had to give her away. I explained that the woman who gave birth to her loved her a lot because she wanted the best for her - she understood and was happy to hear this information.
The conversation ended as quickly as it started and she was back to her smiling happy self and not to bothered by the whole thing. I have a feeling this will not be the first conversation we have like this and to be honest, it breaks my heart. I wish I had given birth to Molly and I wish I had breast fed her but that is not what happened. It is a good thing that she is completely enamoured with the idea that Paul and I are her real Mommy and Daddy and I think she knows and is content with the idea and feels extremely secure in knowing that we are here to stay.
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