BIG NEWS

Finally, we can see our LID on CCAI's website. The CCAA has finished matching babies with families logged in 2/28/06. Although we have a way to go 3/24/06, it is nice to see that our month is now at the front of the line. We estimate we will be matched with Maggie sometime between May & July and possibly sooner if the CCAI speeds things up. Since the orphanage donation went up to $5,000, it is speculation that a speed up is right around the corner. We are ok with the timeline now but it would be nice not to have to do our paperwork for a third time. We are so ready to get to the finish line and bring our little Maggie Moo home to be with her forever family - not to mention her big sister who is dying to see her baby sister.

Christmas 2008

This year brought lots of happiness and relief since nursing school is done. Molly had a wonderful day and we loved having Nana Rosie with us this year. We were able to fly her over for the graduation festivities and then be able to stay with us through Christmas and the New Year. We are keeping Nana very busy with lots to do and running around. Now we can rest for a few days and take it easy. This year Molly woke up at 7:30am and said "Merry Christmas Mama", it was so precious and she was so so so excited to come out and see what Santa brought for her - it was precious. She got loads of gifts and was most thrilled with "Lucky the Dog". He does what you ask on command. I cannot believe that our little princess will be 6 years old in less than a month. Paul starts his new job at St. John's the week of January 5th so it will be exciting for us to have Paul actually working.

Nursing School GRADUATION

On December 17th, Paul graduated from Nursing School. We cannot believe that he is finished. He will take the State boards in January and then officially become an RN. We started this adventure 4.5 years ago by taking an english course at night while Paul worked during the day. It took 2 years to finish his pre-requisites before he could apply to school. There were 350 people who applied to attend school when Paul did, 90 were accepted and 27 actually graduated. It was extremely difficult and they don't give to many second chances. Thankfully, Paul did not need any second chances, he did so well in school but not without a price. We were away from each other quite a bit and it was very hard over the last 2 years. We decided when we started nursing school that we were going to do it and that we would either finish and be able to say, "we did it" or get to the end and say "we should have stuck with it". Now we can say happily "WE DID IT". I am so so so proud of Paul that I cannot find the right words to express how I feel. He is going to be the very best nurse ever. It is only the beginning and we have great things in store for the future but right now we are wallowing in our happiness that the first phase is finished. Honey, thank you for making this huge sacrifice over the last few years, Molly and I love you with all of our hearts.

We are Done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, Paul took his last nursing final yesterday and he was able to pull off an A in both classes this semester. I am so incredibly proud of him and words cannot express how much I love him and respect him for all of his hard work. He not only will be a nurse, his goal is to be one of the very best nurses he can be. He is so committed to the profession and helping people. The people that will have Paul as their nurse don't know it yet but they have won the lottery. At this point we know we can do anything we set our minds to so sky is the limit for Paul's career. Thank you honey for making such a huge sacrifice for us over the last 4.5 years. You are an inspiration to so many. Love you deeply.

So Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving and it has been quite the relaxing day for Molly and I. In fact, Molly is napping right now and resting up for our evening at Utica Square. I really enjoyed going to Brunch today, it was great food, so easy and relaxing. Daddy is hanging up Christmas lights which is not very relaxing but exciting. We want the house to look really great when his mom arrives in about two weeks.

Today we are thankful for so many things but mostly we are thankful for our health and the happiness we feel each and every day. Additionally, we are so so so thankful that Paul has one more final and he will be done with nursing school. We are also thankful that he has accepted a job at St. John's hospital, starting 1/5/2008. We cannot believe that he is going to be done with nursing school. Although it has been such a tough 4.5 years, it is so worth it now.

Molly, I am so thankful to be your mommy and Paul, I am so thankful to be your wife. You two make my world a wonderful place. I love you so so so much.

Halloween

We had so much fun this Halloween. We got dressed up and headed to Kestle's house for a halloween party and trick or treating. Molly and Kestle love each other and have so much fun together. After Kestle's house, we went to LeeAnn's and hung around and had lots of fun. Daddy was dressed as superman but unfortunately, we did not get any pics of daddy. Another holiday filled with lots of fun together.

The Cutest Cheerleaders in the World

Molly is on the Miss Helen's Cheerleading squad and doing so so so well. She really enjoys it and knows all the right moves. We love watching her and attending the football games. Our favorite is "How Funky is your Chicken". We also participated in the Tulsa Run "Fun Run" last weekend. It was a 1.2 mile walk/run and we all wore our Miss Helen's tee shirts. We had such a great time. We love Miss Helen's so much and are so happy that Molly is going there and really enjoys school.

I LOST MY FIRST TOOTH

WOW what an exciting night we had last night. Molly's front baby tooth has been getting looser and looser over the last few weeks. Well, thanks to Daddy who hit a bump driving home, Molly's tooth fell out. We were jumping up and down with so much excitement. The tooth fairy came for a visit last night and left a lovely note with $1.00 and her tooth back. I will never forget the excitement she had this morning reading the note from the tooth fairy, it was pure innocence and sweetness. She could not wait until she went to school to tell everyone and get her name on the board of kids who have lost a tooth. It looks like the tooth fairy will be making another visit here very soon because the other bottom tooth is very wobbly.

Pumpkin Patch

Today, we made our annual trip to the Bixby Pumpkin Patch. Every year, we look so forward to this outing. Molly loves to ride the ponies and we love to take lots of pictures with all of the beautiful pumpkins. It was a beautiful October day and we so loved hanging out with Daddy which was a change for us due to all of his studying...

Phoenix, Friends, Pumpkins and our school Carnival

We have been busy lately. A few weeks ago, Molly and I traveled to Phoenix to see our dear friends the Williams. We had a great time and miss them a lot. Thank goodness they are moving to Dallas so they will be closer to us and we hope to see them more in the future. Our sweet little Molly makes friends pretty easily but is also very particular about who she is friends with. She knows who she has a connection with and who she does not. At school, there are two kids that she talks about a lot, Kestle and Derek. Last weekend we went to the Bass Pro Shop where Kestle's daddy is the General Manager. Molly and Kestle played with the pumpkins and had a great time. Daddy carved a beautiful pumpkin and we had lots of fun with our new friends. This past Friday night, we attended the annual Miss Helen's Fall Carnival. We had a blast. Molly played lots of games and we won some silent auction items, etc. We are having so much fun attending all of the school events. It is my favorite time of year and we are living life to the fullest each day while we continue to count down the days until Daddy graduates... Come on 12/17....

Kindergarten

I cannot believe it, Molly is officially in Kindergarten at Miss Helen's. She started on 9/2/08 and has not stopped talking about it since. She is absolutely loving every single day and already learning so much. She is on the cheerleading squad and they had their first performance on Friday night at Bingo night. She was lifted up by some bigger girls and was so adorable. Her little friend Kestle is precious and they love to be together. We are so thankful we found Miss Helen's and love everything about it. This week, Molly was chosen as the "Star of the Week". When you are "Star of the Week" at Miss Helen's you get to bring home "Busy the Bear" for the weekend. It was like they handed Molly a million dollars, she was so thrilled. We took pictures of Busy participating in our every day life this weekend and I put them in her scrapbook. She will get special prizes all week for being "Star of the Week". We are so proud of her and are so enjoying this first year of real school.

End of Summer

Well the end of summer has officially arrived for the Gilmartins. Daddy's school started today and we have been spending lots of time trying to figure out the logistics of the fall semester. Thursday is Molly's last day of the summer program at Miss Helen's and will have a week off and start KINDERGARTEN on Tuesday, September 2nd. Yes, I said KINDERGARTEN. I cannot believe this day is almost here. I vividedly remember thinking soon after we arrived home from China that it would be a very long-time before Molly turned 5 and would be attending kindergarten and bam like a flash it is here. My precious little pumpkin is starting real school and before we know it, she will be getting her drivers license, going to the prom and looking at colleges. I wish I could capture every single second of her right now in a bottle, she is pure pure JOY. This last weekend we spent Saturday with our dear friends the Williams. Molly and Myka have a great connection as do Janine and I and I need to add how precious little Brynn is. The girls went to "My Little Dollhouse" and had an absolute blast. Well now we look forward to everything fall brings; football, crisp weather, fires in the fireplace, halloween and pumpkins, thanksgiving and of course our favorite holiday season, Christmas. Every month gets us closer to Maggie and we hope this time next year, we have her home.

"Mama Mia"

Since Daddy has been in New York since Thursday, I was trying to find a move that Molly and I could go to. Although "Mama Mia" was rated PG, I talked to a friend who had seen it and said there was no bad language or nudity so I decided to take the plunge. Boy did I nail it on the head. My girl, loved it and was dancing and singing in her chair while munching on popcorn and candy - she had a blast. This movie was adorable, such an uplifting enjoyable flick that daddy would have also enjoyed. Molly was in heaven thinking about her wedding day and her mommy helping her get ready. She is such an old soul and really gets it and enjoys things that a normal 5 year old would never enjoy. She was holding my hand and putting it up to her face during the movie - such a sweet little babe... Anyway, we had a great time and may just have to buy the movie when it comes out in DVD. Good news, daddy comes home in about 2 hours and believe me, we are counting the minutes...

Happy 5.5 Birthday, Molly

Today, Molly is 5.5 years old. I am making some WW friendly cupcakes and she wants to go to Outback for dinner (she almost said Flemings but she said she knew it was to expensive). How did this girl develop such expensive tastes?

Molly, you are such a delightful 5.5 year old. You amaze your Mommy and Daddy every day with your intelligence, sweetness, kindness, creativity, tenasity, endurance and beauty. The best day of our life was the day you entered it and we cannot imagine the path our lives would have taken without you - cannot even think about it. Thank you for being such a delightful child and for loving your Mom and Dad so much, we cannot get enough of you. Yesterday morning, you said "Mama, today I am a Mama's Girl" and last night you looked at me and said "Mama, is it ok if I am a Mama's and Daddy's girl today" and I said "of course". You are our girl every single second of every single day which makes our world a much better place. Love you deeply, Bo Bo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great Vacation

What a wonderful vacation we had with all of the other families in our travel group, it far exceeded our expectations... It was so nice to sit around and chat with other moms who had experienced some of the same issues. Although, Paul had to work on a care plan the first few days, we still had a great time together.

The weather in Colorado was so great, no humidity and bright and sunny. We really enjoyed seeing CCAI's offices and going to the picnic. I don't think we would need to go to Colorado again but we want to definitely get together with the families again next year and hope we can.

Happy Father's Day to Daddy

Today is such a wonderful day. As I grew up as a child and always longed for a wonderful father, I thought "I hope I marry a man that will be a wonderful father to our children". Well, did I hit the jackpot. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would marry such a wonderful man who is an incredibly devoted father. He is so loving, nurturing, protective, kind, smart, etc. I could go on and on and on. Molly is crazy in love with Paul and it is a wonderful fairy land for her to have such a big wonderful daddy to take care of her. Because of her father, she will grow up very secure and look for a mate that will match the wonderful qualities of her daddy. Watching them together is pure joy and makes my heart melt. What a wonderful day to celebrate a wonderful man who is overflowing with love for his little princess. Happy Daddy's Day, to the best Daddy in the whole wide world. I love you passionately.

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

What a wonderful 45th birthday celebration we had. Even though Paul had to study all weekend, Molly and I had a great time shopping and I had a great time opening presents. Paulie and Molly got me some wonderful things including an Ipod Nano so I can listen to music when I am walking. We had a nice dinner at Los Cabos with Lauire and the Bayles. The only problem was I ate to much and had a bit of a food hangover on Sunday. I never thought I would be 45 years old but I have to say I have never felt better or been happier. Thanks to the loves of my life for making it so special.

Last Days & Sad Week

This has been a very sad week. On Wednesday night, Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter was killed. Her older brother ran over her in the driveway. This precious little girl just turned 5 years old and is from China. She was the youngest of their three daughters adopted from China and was so adorable. She reminded me so much of Molly. How does a family recover from such a tragedy. Not only is everyone in mourning from Maria passing away but the older brother who ran over her must be suffering so much. My heart breaks for this family and I don't even know them. I wish them the best and hope they are able to heal over time.

On another note, I have witnessed such love and admiration for Evelyn Abrams. She is in the final stages of her life and her family loves her so much. Eve, Holly, April and Dan are keeping vigil at her bedside and it is so touching. No one has left her bed in days and the commitment and love they have shown for her is inspiring and so touching. Evelyn, you will be missed by so many but the memories of your life and the people you have touched and love will go on forever.

"Big Day"

Well the time has finally come and Molly is sleeping in her own bed. It started about two weeks ago when she wanted an over abundance of stuffed animals sleeping with her in the big bed. Mommy put her foot down and said "No, she could only have 3 buddies but if she wanted more, she could sleep in her bed and have all she wanted". She took the challenge and outside of just a few nights, she has been in her own bed.

Last weekend we bought every little girl's dream bed - a Cinderella carriage. It was delivered on Monday and is in the corner of our room. Paul was the normal dream daddy and hung up a princess veil above the bed so it flowed around each side of the bed. When Molly and I got home, she walked in and said "this is a dream come true". She absolutely loves her fairytale bed while Daddy and I are ever so longing for the few nights when she says "can I sleep in the big bed". Of course both of us say, sure!!!!!! We miss having her close to us and look over at her in the carriage bed and realize she is growing up - yugh!!!! The times are going to pass so quickly and just like Dr. B said, she would move out of the bed when she was ready. We are so proud of you BoBo.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!

Today is Mother's Day and I am the luckiest mother in the world. Some days it is so hard to believe that I get to be the mother of this precious precious little girl. I feel so lucky to wake up every single day and be her mother. It is hard to believe that Molly would be so in love with her mommy today after all of the attachment issues we had the first few years. She has come full circle and is crazy about her mommy. The last few days, she has been so loving and sweet to me. In fact, she told her daddy that she liked me better today but on father's day she would like him better. We just smiled at each other and thought "boy we have come a long way since 2003". Molly is delightful and such a sweet girl.

What a wonderful day today to get to spend it with Molly and Paul the two loves of my life. You guys make me so happy.

LadyBug Siteing

On Friday, April 25th I got into my car from a long hard day at work and what do my wondering eyes see - a beautiful ladybug on the inside of my passenger window. It stayed there walked around on the window the entire time while I drove to pick up Molly. When I opened the door, I tried to catch it but she got away.

Since we believe LadyBugs bring good luck and have significant meaning, I wanted to remember this date. Who knows maybe Maggie Moo was born on this day. We will find out sometime next year. I just wanted to write it down so we can remember it.

NASCAR

Well, the Gilmartin family went on a very boyish adventure this weekend to Dallas so Daddy could go to a NASCAR race at Texas Motor Speedway. Needless to say, Molly and I won't be looking forward to another NASCAR adventure anytime soon.

Our seats were on the 3rd row from the track and I have never and I mean never heard something so loud in my entire life. Molly and I both had ear plugs and head phones and it was still bloody loud. The other problem with NASCAR is you cannot talk to the person or people you are with. You can not hear a damn thing so you sit in your seat while cars travel mindlessly at 180 miles per hour around the track. For the life of me, I do not see how anyone can get into this sport. What did make Molly and I happy was that Daddy enjoyed himself. Molly was such a trooper. She tried very hard not to complain but finally after 3 hours, she could not hold it in any longer. Therefore, we left about an hour before the race was over and drove back to Tulsa. We had a great time together as a family and spent some time with Toni and Philly and really enjoyed that evening as well.

Here's to another NASCAR race being very far in our future.

Proud Mama

Last Tuesday, Molly had a development test done at Miss Helen's called "The Geselle Test" and yesterday we met with Barbara (test giver) and Linda the Director of Miss Helen's to get the results. Well, to quote Barbara exactly she said Molly was very close to perfect. Her auditory and visual memory was outstanding. Her vocabulary was testing at age 7 and she was so able to articulate exactly what she can and cannot do. She is on target at a 5.5-6 year old in her ability to write letters, words, etc. When asked what her Daddy did, she said, "plays soccer" and then when Barbara asked her if he worked, she said "no, he goes to school", "he is going to be a nurse when he grows up". You could tell that Barbara thought she was an absolute doll and she told us we were so blessed. I was beaming and am still not off my high of being such a proud Mama to this incredibly wonderful little girl. We are so so so excited about her joining her new school, it just feels right. She is so ready to learn everything they are going to teach her and have lots of fun. We are hoping the transition will be easy but we are not sure. Ms. Linda seemed so caring and really wanted the very best for Molly - quite a difference then what we are used to at LakeHills. Anyway, it is finally confirmed. We always thought Molly was so so so bright and finally through official testing, SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so proud of you little sweet Molly.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN???????????

This weekend was all about "LOVE" for Molly. She wanted to make sure I knew how much she loved me. She told me she loved me more than America's Birthday, fireworks, ladybugs, rolie polies her birthday, butterflies, penguins, pandas, princesses, fish and eating. She said she loves me more than the world. She also said she loved my name and that it was so pretty. Molly is so expressive and articulate and knows exactly how to explain how she is feeling. She is also very conscious about not hurting my feelings and not saying she loves Daddy more than me. Finally, she said she loves me more than everything and loves me more than everything she loves a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Molly, unlike you I find it quite difficult to put into words how much I love you and every single thing about you. You are my precious baby................

What a Wonderful Life

Yesterday was a memorable day!!!!!!!!! It was my annual cancer check-up. I have been so stressed out over the last several weeks waiting for this day and the dreaded results of my cat scan. It started out last week when I had to get my cat scan and the nurses could not find a vein for my IV. They stuck me up and down my arms 13 times before they got a winner. Now I look like a drug addict because my arms are black and blue. Finally, we had success and the cat scan was accomplished and we were done that day.

Yesterday, Dr. Olsen decided "NO MORE CAT SCANS". He said the words "YOU ARE CURED". This was after I had told him that over the previous two weeks, I had been paralyzed with fear that the cancer would come back. He said it was very close to "0" chance the lymphoma would ever come back. He also said the possibility of other cancers was slim. I finally feel some peace about my long-term prognosis and feel such relief that I am CURED. Our life is so incredibly wonderful and I want to be around a very long time to take care of my children and love my husband. I want to live to be 100 years old and cherish every single second of every single day. Thank you, thank you, thank you for great health....

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Friday, 2/15/08 another memorable day filled with relief and thankfulness for another day.

Paul had a big pediatrics test and started the day out feeling unprepared for the test and therefore was very concerned about what type of grade he would get on the exam. I started the day out knowing that I would get the results of my annual cat scan taken on Wednesday and although I figured the chances were high, there would be no sign of lymphoma, you never know. In this particular situation it is very difficult for me to not think the worst and stop my mind from wondering "WHAT IF".

Finally it was 11:30am and I could not stand it anymore. I called Cancer Care and Tammy's interium replacement answered the phone. She looked to see if my report was back and sure enough it was. She preceded to read it over the phone while I was feeling like I was going to have a major panic attack. She said "Chest, no sign of Lymphoma", "Abdomen, no sign of Lymphoma, and "pelvis, no sign of Lymphoma" - you are all clear girl. I took a big deep breath and said thank you and hung up the phone. Do you think I was satisfied? Nooooooooooooo, I called Nadra and asked her to check the report just to make sure Sherry did not miss anything. Nadra read it and said it was ok, all clear. I felt like I was all dressed up for a party and had no party to go to. I wanted to grab my coat, run out of the office and go celebrate but did not have anyone to celebrate with. By this time it was around 11:30 and I knew Paul would have to be calling me very soon to let me know how he did on his exam. Sure enough about 5 minutes later, my cell phone rang. Paul tried to joke around by disquising his voice that he was sad so of course I said, "Oh No, you don't sound happy". Paul said, just kidding I got an 88 - I yelped and ran into the conference room to talk to him. I was so so so happy for him and proud because he had worked so hard over the last week trying to prepare. Also, it had been a really hard week on me because I was so stressed out due to my check up.

I then said well I have good news and told him about my results. I could tell he got a tear in his eye and was so so so happy to hear it.

Last night was really sweet. We both were so relaxed that Paul did so well on his exam and I was free and clear from cancer. Having gone through a serious illness, you realize how very sweet life is and how quickly it can be shaken up. We want to continue on this sweet crazy adventure of ours and to know we have many more days ahead of us is exhilerating and so incredibly wonderful. Here's to some breathing room for a while at least from the health front.

My Sweet Valentines..............

Well, what a memorable Valentine's Day the Gilmartin family had this year. What started out as a joke will now most likely become a family tradition. Because Valentine's Day fell on a Thursday this year and that is two days before my WW weigh in and one day before Paul's pediatrics exam, we needed a quick and healthy plan. BAM............. A night in Paris at Chick Fil La, yes, I said Chick Fil La. We made reservations for table side service at 6:30pm. When we arrived, they took our photo, sat us at our reserved table and gave us cute little valentine menus. On our table were votive candles, chocolate kisses and a bag of chocolates for Molly.

Molly had chicken nuggets, Paul had a grilled chicken sandwich and I had chicken strips. We were serenaded by a string quartet and the servers were so sweet and helpful. We left Chick Fil la and went home to open our valentine cards and gifts. Molly loved her valentine cards the best. When she opened them, she looked at Paul and I and said "Thank you guys for my sweet cards". I thought, this child is such an old soul and so adorable. We spent the rest of the evening together just talking about how happy we are.

What a wonderful fun memory of Valentine's Day - sharing it with my two favorite valentines who fill me up with so much love.... Love you Daddy and Molly.

Questions, Questions & More Questions

Well, it happened!!!!!!!!!!! Last night Molly wanted to discuss her first year of life so we did with a big knot in my throat. She proceeded to explain that she knew she was born out of another woman's tummy. She wanted to know if that woman breast fed her. We explained that we did not know. I told her that the woman who gave birth to her could not take care of her and was very poor. She was visibly upset by this and was thinking very hard about what to say. She wanted to know if they did not have enough food to take care of her, I explained that was correct and therefore they took her to the police station so they could make sure she was taken care of. At first, she was a little upset that she had to go to the police station and wanted to make sure they did not put her in jail. We all laughed and explained that babies do not go to jail, only people who have done bad things. She proceeded to tell the rest of the story that the police station took her to the orphanage and then she went to her foster family/foster mother. She needed understand what foster mother really mean't. She said "Mama, my foster mother is not my real mother, is she?". I said no, she had a very important job to take care of you until your real mommy and daddy came to get you and she did a very good job. She clearly understood that and said that Paul and I were her real mom and dad.

Molly is so incredibly smart for 5 years old. At times, she seems like she is a little old lady, the way she processes information in her mind. She did not seem bothered by any of this except when we talked about her foster mother being poor and she said she did not want to be poor, etc. This entire conversation although very important, was extremely emotional for me. I never want her to feel as though she was not wanted so we talked about how hard it would be to have to give a baby away. She said the woman who gave birth to her was probably very sad when she had to give her away. I explained that the woman who gave birth to her loved her a lot because she wanted the best for her - she understood and was happy to hear this information.

The conversation ended as quickly as it started and she was back to her smiling happy self and not to bothered by the whole thing. I have a feeling this will not be the first conversation we have like this and to be honest, it breaks my heart. I wish I had given birth to Molly and I wish I had breast fed her but that is not what happened. It is a good thing that she is completely enamoured with the idea that Paul and I are her real Mommy and Daddy and I think she knows and is content with the idea and feels extremely secure in knowing that we are here to stay.

An Amazing Gift

Yesterday in the mail, we received a priceless package. Many pictures of Molly's foster family by themself and with Molly. Many answers to questions we had about the first year of Molly's life and a letter for Molly from her foster mother (still to be translated).

About two weeks ago, I was contacted by a girl named Julie. She said she had information about He Mei Bo (Molly) and she wanted me to contact her privately. Of course, I contacted her very quickly and she informed me that Molly's foster family was inquiring about her. At first, I was not sure this was legit but as I investigated it in more detail, I felt like it was all above board. There is a man in Nanchang, China who knew Molly's foster mother and he contacted Julie and then she contacted me. This information is confidential so it had to be handled under the table because the orphanage does not want the foster family information shared with anyone. We cooresponded with Bruce and WaLa - our package arrived yesterday.

In the photos, you can tell Molly was really loved by her foster family. In several photos, she is smiling brightly and the family is smiling watching her and in one family photo, the father is holding Molly's hand. One of the questions I had for the foster mother was when did Molly go to her home and when did she leave. Evidently, Molly arrived to their home in late March and left in late November. Unfortunately, we were told that Molly went into foster care in May and left in October. I feel much better knowing she went to their home shortly after she was found on March 10th and shortly before our forever family day, 11/30/03. I am still a little confused as to why Molly had such attachment issues but it does not matter at this point because we believe Molly is completely healed from those issues.

My day yesterday was filled with mixed emotions. On one hand, I was thrilled to know that Molly had been so well taken care of and loved and to have this information was priceless. On the other hand, I was so sad that I missed out on those first precious 10 months of her life. When I looked at the photos of this mysterious family in China holding my baby and playing with her, I was so envious that they had this time with her and I was here in the U.S. dreaming of doing the same thing. At times yesterday I felt heartbroken and I guess before I saw these people, it was not as real so it was easy to push it out of my head. I know this will pass and I am so so grateful to have this information for Molly as she grows up and has questions about her first year of life. We might possibly visit them when we travel to pick up Molly but not sure if Molly will be old enough - we will have to discuss this in great detail and it may be logistically not possible. We do have their contact information so we can keep them updated with information on Molly in the future.

What an interesting day filled with so many different emotions.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET MOLLY!!!!

Well tomorrow is our sweet Molly's 5th birthday. I cannot get my head around the fact that she will be 5 years old. I will probably be blogging 5 years from now and saying the exact same thing. Time flys when you are having fun!!!!

Molly at 5: So full of life, joyful, bright, funny, brilliant intellectually, social, energized, SECURE, great imagination, artistic - pure pure joy.

Yesterday, I went to Lake Hills (Molly's school) to celebrate her birthday at her school with her friends. For each year that Molly is, she circled the sun in a ceremony while Ms. Val read
what I had written about her, it was beautiful. She also shared photos of each year with her teachers & friends. Besides a few boys acting off and Ms. Val needing to be very stern, it went off without a hitch except when it was time for me to go. Molly as usual did not want me to leave and both of our hearts were breaking. I explained to Molly that it was very fun to celebrate these things but Mommy had to go back to work. Finally, Molly was brave enough to turn around and walk out on the playground. Her head was hanging low and she was starting to cry. Her friend Reese was standing next to her as was Ms. Val with her arm on Molly's shoulder. She was really upset and turned around and went to the door and watched me leave while she was crying and waving to me. As I got in my car, I was again heartbroken and was quickly trying to figure out how I could get out of work for the afternoon. I went to the office and said I needed to work out of my house the rest of the afternoon. I went back to LH's and Molly was so so so excited. She kept saying "thank you Mama". She said "I think I love you more than Daddy". We had a wonderful afternoon putting her party favors together and going for a walk - the afternoon was a treasure.

Today her party at Tulsa World of Gymnastics was so much fun. All morning, Molly kept saying how much longer until my party - she was so excited. In fact, I asked her if she was excited and she said "I am so excited, it is freakin me out". When she and I went to pick up her balloons, she was thrilled. When she saw the big bunch of balloons at the store, she was smiling and covering her mouth and said "thank you Mommy, thank you". She said as we got in the car, "I love you Mommy, I think I am the luckiest girl in the world". I said "I am the luckiest Mommy and we are the luckiest family". At her party, all of the kids loved running around and jumping on all of the equipment. Everyone genuinely seemed to be so happy to be at Molly's party. When she opened her gifts, there were so many thoughtful presents such as the yoga mat from Julian. It was a wonderful day in every single way.

Tomorrow, we will celebrate with my mom and sister. What a wonderful life we have and an incredible 5 years with Molly. We are savouring every single second of every day because we cannot get yesterday back and she is growing so fast before our eyes. Happy Birthday my sweet girl, Mommy loves you so deeply.

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How exciting a brand new year. I love this time because it is filled with hope and anticipation of what the new year will bring. We are hoping this year will bring success for Paulie in finishing nursing school in December as stress free as possible. For myself, I want to continue my weight loss journey by staying on track with Weight Watchers and continuing to embrace the program and continue to see the pounds drop. Also, we hope we get to see our sweet Maggie's face by the end of the year. If we don't, we know it won't be much longer into 2009. Molly has been so patient and I hope for her, she gets to see her baby sister sooner rather than later. Most importantly, we so hope we all stay very healthy and feel great every day we wake up and thankful to be able to put two feet on the ground and live each day to the fullest.